Christmas, New Year's Eve, and 2015

The time between Thanksgiving and New Year's has been extremely hard. I originally dreaded Christmas. Then we decided to go away for Christmas, and I began to get excited. I had a blast buying presents. Then, it got close to Christmas, and I just freaked. Both kids let me know they hated Christmas and didn't want to do it. I encouraged Julia to enjoy the season by getting her an advent calendar with a different nail polish or nail jewels each day. That seemed to work. 

The Brignolio, Harvey, and Lyles clans stayed at a cabin in Twain Harte. It was interesting. We had a good time...especially with 16 people under one roof. The kids and I slept in the living room. It was comfortable, but very little privacy. The kids went to the snow for a tiny bit...the perfect amount of time. I slept. We crossed something off Tony's bucket list. I got to see an old friend.

This was the first New Year's Eve that I didn't spend the night at BNC's Youth Group All-nighter. I was mostly looking forward to it. Julia went with me. Miah worked it. I made it a little over an hour, and then I just couldn't do it anymore. I asked Bryan if I could let him down and go home. He said yes. I grabbed Julia, and we went home. Well, we stopped and bought donuts first. We watched the ball drop while Julia skyped with her friend. We had a good time, I think.

I'm having a difficult time thinking of 2015...at least these first two months. Last year at this time, I had to acknowledge that my husband wasn't going to get better...unless we had a miracle...or the insurance company approved something that helped him. In just a few weeks, I would watch my precious man begin his fast descent into miserableness. What do I remember about the Super Bowl last year? Tony didn't attend his friend's party because he was shaking so bad. He didn't mind his friend seeing him that way, but they had others over as well. He didn't like people seeing him so out of control. Shortly after that, I watched him act in his last performance. I watched from the audience, praying constantly that he wouldn't shake, that he would remember what he was supposed to say, that he'd be able to complete the performance, knowing that I'd have to talk to him about not performing anymore...soon I knew that I'd have to talk to him about probably stopping coaching baseball...and then it got worse...and then I got the phone call...

I wonder what year 2 will feel like. I wonder if it will be easier.

For the first time ever I made New Year's Resolutions. Here they are.

     1. Go to at least 2 Giants games.

     2. Take a nap instead of working.

     3. Take a nap at work (I will clock out.).

     4. Wake up at least once a day.

     5. Eat at least once a day.

     6. Use the bathroom at least once a day.

     7. Get a tattoo.

     8. Dream about getting a house.

     9. Save at least $1 a month.

     10. Have a car that runs well (A/C, heater, power steering, and defroster).

     11. Work out at least once a week.

     12. Eat at Johnny Rockets at least once a quarter.

     13. Come up with 2 more resolutions.

There...15 resolutions for '15.

Oh, I just thought of another one.

     14. Choose joy at least once a month.

Now I only need one more. Cool. How about...

     15. Eat chocolate every day.

I like that one. Okay. Some of these will be easy. Some I hope will happen. Some I don't care if I fail them.

I choose joy by making stupid resolution. I chose joy by shooting nerds at people. I chose joy by learning how to shoot krabby patty containers with Julia. Yep. Most of my choosing joy things are silly and childish, but they make me laugh. My new life motto is "If I have to live, then I want to laugh." Maybe I should get that in tattoo version...lol...kinda...really just joking.......                                                                                 JOY