Monday, March 2, 2015

The Dreaded Forgetting

How do you forget that your husband died? (rhetorical...please don't answer) It's been a year. Wouldn't you think that this might be a regular fact in my life? But that's exactly what did happen. I ran across an old friend, and mid conversation wanted to invite him to have dinner just the 3 of us to catch up. There is no 3 of us. Mid sentence I realized what I was saying. Wow! The pain in that moment! I couldn't figure out what to say...I couldn't finish the conversation...I just mumbled, stopped talking, and walked away. Awkward! I wanted to cry, scream, break things, hit things... It was bad enough that I ended up with a migraine the next day. That, combined with the year-mark, created a minor set-back in feeling good.

I'm working at breaking out of the depression. Julia and I are practicing a lip sync. We are planning our spring break trip (super cheap so we don't take from the "trying to buy a house" fund). We are working at socializing...socializing is hard. I'm trying to get caught up at work. I'm going to my personal trainer tonight...maybe she can get me motivated...I quit going for several weeks. I finally added some color to my hair's purple/pink on my blond spot...Julia has blue...hers looks awesome. The future looks long and hard, but I'm working at it. I'm trying to choose to wake up, get up, and do something (please no negative comments...this in itself is a huge accomplishment)(and yes, I have received negative comments)...there are many times that all I accomplish is waking up. I feel like a failure, but I know this is a false thought. So I'm working on that. I'm finding reasons to laugh. Laughter makes life easier...and funner.

I am choosing joy again. How? Pretty much the entire second paragraph is how...go back and read it. I kinda feel like this is short and depressing, but it's not really. It's just life. Life is hard; I'm working on making it easier and more enjoyable. If I have to live, then I want to laugh. Oh, I almost forgot. Joy is easier to choose now that the Giants are back to playing some ball.                                  JOY

P.S. The title made me giggle because it reminds me of The Dread Pirate Roberts from Princess Bride.

No comments:

Post a Comment