For the first time ever I made New Year's Resolutions. Here they are.
1. Go to at least 2 Giants games.
2. Take a nap instead of working.
3. Take a nap at work (I will clock out.).
4. Wake up at least once a day.
5. Eat at least once a day.
6. Use the bathroom at least once a day.
7. Get a tattoo.
8. Dream about getting a house.
9. Save at least $1 a month.
10. Have a car that runs well (A/C, heater, power steering, and defroster).
11. Work out at least once a week.
12. Eat at Johnny Rockets at least once a quarter.
13. Come up with 2 more resolutions.
There...15 resolutions for '15.
Oh, I just thought of another one.
14. Choose joy at least once a month.
Now I only need one more. Cool. How about...
15. Eat chocolate every day.
I had no problem with 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 12, and 13.
I didn't do 3, 9, 11, and 15.
I don't know if I did 14.
I was just going to re-write these resolutions out for this year, but I don't think I'm going to get a tattoo this year. I'm going to stop at 2 for awhile. I also don't want to think about getting a house...or moving...or anything that has to do with that. It's too stressful.I don't have money for a house, and moving expenses would take out the rest of my savings. My savings are quite low after all of the unexpected expenses.
This year has been interesting. I had my first alone trip. I made it to the year anniversary of the death of my husband...and survived. We moved into a house. Julia got sick and spent over 3 weeks in the hospital. We missed our summer concerts. Family and friends got together and sent us on vacations including seeing One Direction in Boston! We spent Thanksgiving in Disneyland. I invited family over to my place for part of Christmas. Now I'm having my first alone New Year's Eve...and I'm okay with that.
I've got through many stages of grief this year. I thought I had made it to acceptance. It felt good but scary. Then...I got to take the wonderful steps backwards and experience grief all over again...right from the beginning. I bargained with God again...although I really didn't do that too much at first. I got to be angry and then depressed again. I missed Tony so much that I sobbed...big, fat, ugly cry tears. I got to experience that moment when you see/hear something and turn to tell your main man...and then realize that he's not here...and hasn't been for almost 2 years...and realize for a moment you got to be married again to your soulmate...sweet, amazing misery...but I got to feel that feeling of being married again to the man I met at 18 and was with until I was 40...that was actually quite amazing...it was worth the pain...I'd love to have another moment like that...it was actually awesome enough that it didn't even feel that painful.
I decided that I'd end the year with things I'm thankful for and then some resolutions.
I'm thankful for my family and friends, my church family, my Relay for Life family, the SF Giants, One Direction, my new-to-me car, a house to live in, my daughter being alive, my daughter not having brain damage, an amazing trip to Boston, getting to see Rachel, the 1D boys loving on my girl, Harry Styles flirting with my mom, family time, Legoland, Disneyland, Flo's V-8 Cafe's authentic Thanksgiving dinner, awkward and loving it children, my kids' friends, a job that's mostly enjoyable, crafts, diet coke, uncrustables, random strangers who make our pictures funny and awesome, the colors orange and purple and probably teal/turquoise, glow in the dark, iPhones, toilet paper, contact lenses, sensitive skin soaps and shampoos, computers, pets, backyards, heaters, air conditioners, electricity, my son who helps me be a working, single mom, humor, my therapist/counselor/friend, cameras, adult coloring books, books, Domino's, etc. I'm going to stop there.
Resolutions for 2016:
1. Wake up at least once a day.
2. Go to 2 Giants games.
3. Eat at least once a day.
4. Work out at least once every two weeks.
5. Take my vitamins at least 4 times a week.
6. Love my kids.
7. Survive...this one is optional...jk
I don't feel like doing any more resolutions. I hate them. This year they are making me feel depressed, so I will stop.
I've gone over quite a few different things in this blog, so I will stop this also. How did I choose joy? I wrote my thankful for list. I made resolution...yes, they were easy...but I did it. I survived last year. So there you have it. I probably forgot a lot of stuff..but oh, well. JOY