Last week I was stuck in an elaborate dream. It was weird. I was married to a guy named Tony. He was funny, and he a absolutely adored me. The only problem is that I couldn't remember our history together. I could read it on a list. I could see it in pictures (except he was bleary), but I couldn't remember it. It was quite unnerving...and a little scary.
I know the elaborate dream is real life. I know I am forgetting, but I can't believe that it felt like a dream...and not real. It scared me.
Don't worry. This dream phase is over for now. I was in bed, and I rolled over to tell Tony something. Wow! That was painful. I sobbed for awhile on that one. After the sobfest, what little sleep I got was filled with dreams...every one of them with Tony in it...every one of them knowing Tony shouldn't be there with me. That was Saturday night. I was still extremely emotional on Sunday. In fact, I absolutely lost it during church. I am so thankful for friends...and loud worship music. Other than the horrible red puffy face, most people didn't know I just did my ugly cry in a huge way.
How did I choose joy this week? I went on a trip to Santa Cruz with my kids and their home school group...a trip I really didn't want to go on. I went for my two kids...and my mom said I should... I have enjoyed myself. I have enjoyed my kids. We created new, fun memories. I even got the best, most appropriate fortune..."Your sense of humor will get you through difficult times.". JOY