Friday, May 16, 2014

Baseball, Friends, and Family

These last few days have been interesting. I talked to my therapist/counselor/friend and realized that I have not been seeing God in the little things like I used to. He suggested I ask God to open my eyes to see these again. So I did. Wow! I have been reading about about grief (I'm still unsure if I agree with it or not so I'm not posting the title), and it said to ask God specifically for what you want (that's a paraphrase...there's more to it than that). I did and wow! Now here's the story that ties these two together. Yesterday was Liberty High School's final regular game of the season. The Seniors on the team were Tony's boys. The three local high schools were tied for first place (I think), so they all were playing each other this week. Tuesday Liberty beat Heritage. Yesterday they were playing Freedom (the Juniors on that team are also Tony's boys). Liberty's baseball team has chosen to dedicate the entire season to Tony since so many of them were coached and loved by him. They have made me feel like I was part of the Liberty baseball family. It was a funny, awesome game. Tony would have enjoyed it so much. I was so proud of the boys. They are adorable. I got to talk to the coach a little bit afterwards and thanked him. Then I raced off the the SF Giants game. I had this tickets for months, but I didn't want to miss this important Liberty game. I arrived during the 5th inning. (I will stop here and let you know that I have felt that I was a jinx for a few years. It seems that every game I go to they lose.) They were surprise there...they love to lose for me. I got situated in my seat, started updating my mom and Shari on the Liberty game, and then the game started to turn around. The Giants started hitting the ball and running the bases! Cool! The Kiss Cam came on...I find it hilarious...and partway through a guy proposed...she said was so cool! It was hot, and I wanted ice cream. I didn't want to leave my seat because I wanted to watch the game. So I said, "Where's the ice cream man?" Up the stairs comes a girl selling ice joking. It was amazing timing. We got up and did the 7th inning stretch. I got into my neighbor's selfie. She thought it was funny. The game continued to be awesome. Then came the 8th inning Sing-a-Long. For the past few years, it's been "Don't Stop Believing" which I find to be a ridiculous song. I sing it...but have year listened to the words... Last night, it was "Lights" by Journey.........I love that song. Tony and I had just had a conversation about this song a few weeks/months before he died. I said that it brought back warm, fuzzy memories...nothing specific...just happiness.... He thought about it and agreed. That's how it made him feel, too. So it's a special song for me. I half teared up. I started getting excited because it looked like the Giants were going to win, and it's been forever since I heard Tony Bennett sing "I Left My Heart in San Francisco"...that's what they play when they win. The moment came! They won. The lady (that I selfied with) laughed at us because we laughed, sang along, and clapped to the "WooHoo song they play first. Actually a lot of people were looking at us and laughing....... When that song ended, the long-awaited song began. They lady next to me started to leave, so I gave her a hug (she's part of the Giants family, so why not). We started to sing along with this song, and I suddenly realized...there wouldn't be a Tony waiting at home to talk over this game (he would have been watching it or listening to it). There wouldn't be a Tony to talk to about this guy's awesome outfit (red plaid shorts and a blue shirt with yellow stripes). I got all teary. It was a fun day. It was a funny day. But reality can take away some of the fun and funny. I refused to let it ruin my day. I cried, and I focused on all the wonderful that had happened. I still find myself asking myself if this is really real...Am I really not going to see this man on earth ever again...Really?...

A friend of mine sent me a picture. On it it says, "Determine to choose joy." In this moment, I have determined to choose joy. I will focus on the fun of the day. I will focus on how much Tony would have enjoyed it. I will focus on joy. I chose joy yesterday. I chose joy today. I will choose joy tomorrow (at least I think I will).                                               JOY

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