Mother's Day was never a special holiday for me with Tony. He would always tell me that I wasn't his mom, so he didn't need to get me anything. I can still totally hear him saying this. I always enjoyed the cute things the kids did for me. I usually helped them, but still... I'm a mom.. I love almost everything my kids give me or make for me. I have to say almost because Julia tries to find things that are ridiculous for me to like. I did miss him like crazy today, but I didn't notice a lack of gift.
Right after Tony died, around the memorial service, and today I felt moments of guilt. Mostly towards Tony's parents. I feel guilty because he's gone. I know it's not a real reason...I have to talk myself out of it...but I still feel like apologizing for his death...let them know I would gladly (probably gladly is the wrong word) take care of him for many, many more years. Like that makes it better.
Now Father's Day! I'm already swearing up a storm in my head for that one.
Back to my Mother's Day...I had a great day. I had lunch with my kids and my mom (my dad and bro too). I got presents. I got a homemade card. I got an awesome card that I picked out. I got Giants stuff that I also picked out. My kids were great. I went to church. It was a traditional Mother's Day for me.
I chose joy. I focused on the positive, and ignored the hard parts. I used to be very good at ignoring the hard parts. Not so easy these days. But I chose joy today. JOY