While teaching, I was taught to use the sandwich method when talking to parents. I got used to it. I find myself using it randomly. I didn't really want to write this one until I remembered the sandwich method.
The Sandwich Method...Never Give Bad News First!! Start with something happy or positive. Throw in the bad or needs improvement. End with some more positive. You leave the conversation feeling happy or positive.
Happy fact...through my sorrow I have been seeing God. I found an adorable house I could totally see myself living in. (If you know me then this is something big...seeing a future.) Anyone want to buy it for me and let me rent from you? I can't afford it, but one day I probably will be able to get something...praying for the perfect house when I have the money...not if...when...positive thinking. Also, out of the blue, my lawyer called. They need me to sign a paper. They have also obviously looked over the papers I dropped off. No updates, but they haven't forgotten me.
Here it comes. The part that makes me cry. I had a minor setback in the grief/anger/depression this week. I realize that part of the problem is that this pain is so much more severe than anything I have ever felt. I thought the death of my daughter hurt. I could only curl up in a ball, cry, and say that it hurts...literally...no exaggeration. The loss of my husband is so much more than that. I want to curl up in a ball, cry, and say it hurts, but then I can't breathe. I start panicking that I might need to call 911 because it hurts so much to breathe. Then there's this pain deep inside...it hurts worse then all the times I have broken bones. All of this at the same time. Holy cow, it feels like dying. I don't know that for sure, but wow it hurts. I can only handle it for a short time. Then I have to work on my breathing, so I don't panic.
I also realized that part of the double whammy is doing it alone...without my husband...who was the final say in all our major decisions...and I did this continuously for more than half my life...my entire adult life...over 20 years. Now I NEED to talk stuff over with someone, and the one I have always discussed things with is gone. Not only that, but the stuff I want to talk about is about him. Wow it hurts.
Now more happy, I hope. I chose joy this week by looking at a potential new house. I chose joy this week by moving in my old dresser...Tony used it last. It feels comfortable. It makes me feel good. I chose joy by using the sandwich method to write this. I was totally depressed knowing that I had to write this...my brain wouldn't shut up...I knew it wouldn't shut up until I wrote it. I remembered my old training (I think I might have been eating a sandwich), and things looked better. So I chose joy. It was hard and painful, but I did it. JOY
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