The BNC Youth Oscars super sucked...not really. They were super duper sad...not really. I had a great time. I even flash mobbed my video. I danced in front of people! I was so busy with my girls and the Silent Auction that I forgot about Tony.That's kinda good...but when the reminder comes, it's almost harder.
So I realized that I said the "My Girls" are sophomores, but that's not totally true. I have a few freshmen girls, a few juniors, and a few seniors. I did a video with all of these ages for the Oscars. We did a cheesy commercial, and then lip synced to "Call Me Maybe" with a dance. We filmed in about 3 hours...over two days...with 2-3 hours more for practicing...and then 2-3 hours for editing. It almost didn't get done. My girls waited to film an Oscar movie until I was back at Youth Group after Tony's death. They are the sweetest girls. Although they could have filmed without me, and I would have been fine. I don't really have to be in a movie.
The chocolate cake was awesome!!!!
The final award of the Oscars is the "Best Picture Award". It's awarded to the movie that gets the most votes from the audience. This year, they announced that a friend had died recently (Tony), and they were going to honor him. They put together a video presentation which included clips of all the movies Tony had filmed over the years for the Oscars. It was amazing. I super super cried. I tried not to be too loud about it because my dad (Tony's, really) was sitting right in front of me. He was having a hard time with it too. My sister, Katie, and my mom, Kathy, were with me too... and crying. I did my ugly cry which means my face gets all red and puffy, and I make disgusting noises. I would laugh, and then it would hit me...I will never get to see Tony be creative again. I didn't think he would be able to manage the Oscars this year anyway, but it really hurt to not get to hear him discussing Oscar videos and commercials. No more laughs. No more bad humor. No more presenting an award. No more saving a table for me while I work. No more making sure the kids eat dinner while I work. No more outbidding people on the Silent Auction. No more "Not a Kathy Production". No more....the list goes on and on. And it all hit me during that video presentation. It physically hurt...a lot...(understatement). I could tell that somebody who truly knew Tony put that presentation together (Brad and Kathy Shifflett). Then they changed the "Best Picture Award" to the "Tony Award." Ouch and cool! Forever after, I will be reminded that Tony is no longer with me at the Oscars...like I wouldn't have remembered that without the name change. The trophy was awesome. It was a Darth Tater on top of a large trophy base. It was super cool...very Tony. Tony would have loved to put that trophy on his "Shelf of Honor." Yes, it was called that...it even had a label.
Before all that, we had our first family get together without Tony. All of his immediate family that's in the area and my family got together for a BBQ. It was fun. My niece and nephews were selling candy for a fundraiser for their swim team. Tony always said I was a sucker for a fundraiser, and he's right. I bought 20 lollipops for "my girls", and some candy bars. I told my nephew, Josiah, that I needed 20 lollipops to give to my girls for the Oscars. He thought that was cool. Then he slyly asked me if I was sure I would only have 20 girls for the Oscars. That sneaky, adorable kid! I almost bought more! Don't tell him, but I could have used more.
So, today has been a bit weepy. I tear up quite often today. I went to bed last night with a crying headache. I took a nap today because I still had the headache. (It did go away for a little while during lunch.) I got to have lunch with Mark Denning. That was cool. We (my parents and Ben along with Mark) had a good talk over a good lunch.
So I chose joy yesterday during most of the day. The video hit me, and I didn't want to have joy. I wanted to crawl into a ball and whine about how unfair life is. I chose joy (I didn't really have time to whine) and finished out my shift working the Oscars. By the time I got home I was so exhausted. I went almost straight to bed and slept well. Today has been harder to choose joy. I feel sorrow all the way through to my innermost being. I choose joy by getting hugs and love from others. I choose joy by stealing Brighton and Kennedy from their parents, so I can have kids in the 2's room where I'm working. I choose joy by teaching Emery how to blow kisses and then doing knuckles. I choose joy by loving on my daughter. (She's doing my hair right now.) I choose joy by getting the thoughts out of my head by writing this blog. JOY