Friday, March 14, 2014

False Thoughts

So I have been having these false ideas running through my head. I know they aren't true, but I can't seem to shut them off. So I am going to write them down so maybe they will shut up. 

*I feel guilty to be relieved that Tony died because he was so bad at the end. 
*I feel guilty because I am healthier and have more energy now that he's gone. 
* I feel guilty because I got excited that I get to decorate the house now...even in purple!
* I feel guilty that I'm not as frugal as Tony...I called it "tight wad" and "stingy."

*I feel angry because he left me here with a house to fix and two kids to raise on my own with no money. 
*I feel angry because I am alone. 

*I deserve to get a huge settlement because I have to go through this. 
*I deserve a settlement so I can raise my kids without the stress of finances.

I know there are more. I know that these are not true. I know that I need to work through these. 

Today I chose joy by going to the scrapbook expo with friends for my mom's bday. I chose joy by talking about Tony in regular conversation...and not in a depressing way. Today I chose joy by getting a good song stuck in my head. Today I chose joy by laughing as much as possible. I love to laugh as much as I hate sad and crying. So I laughed...and laughed...and got strange looks!    JOY

1 comment:

  1. It's a's not right or wrong it just is! You are so brave to put it out there into the light where it cannot suck you down! Keep writing! Keep writing!!!