What is God's good for me? I know God is good, but what are his "good" plans for me? I used to believe that God wanted me to be happy...He had super duper awesome plans for me...I just had to love Him and serve Him...and life would be good...maybe even awesome.
Over the last 4 1\2 years, I have become more pessimistic about God's good plans. God's plans and my idea of good plans don't usually equal the same thing. They don't usually look anything alike.
So here I am, at a new stage in life, looking for my "new normal"...trying to make plans for my new future. My old future ended much differently than I expected. I have made Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C to give myself a hope for my new future. I really want Plan A, but my new pessimism says that God will give me Plan D. Plan D will probably be painful, hard, and maybe okay...maybe.
I have 3 main topics running through my head recently. This is one of them. The other 2 are just as big. I don't want to blog about them. I don't want to put my feelings into words. Some of my feelings are ugly, some feel like I'm betraying Tony, and some are just plain painful. I am working through them...extremely slowly...but I am. Some thoughts I will not be publishing in blog form. Some thoughts I will only post minimally. I'm not shy about my thoughts, but sometimes it's hard to write about it knowing so many people will read it. If you really want to know, feel free to ask me.
I choose joy by deciding to wake up every morning. I choose joy by surviving. JOY